When naked, elections are supposed to be a six-pack figure with erect tufts of oiled hair, ridged muscles and plenty of bravado.
They are Captain America.
Not here in Kuvikiland.
Here elections are an emigrant with a halo of ideas on stilts, patched ambitions and strenuous arguments that ultimately die from hunger.
Here they are Xixo, dumbfounded by a Coca-Cola bottle and surviving on perilous ingenuity.
5 years after the 2018 elections, the country is at another intersection.
However, the choices are simple as before!
Vote for ZANU PF or vote for CCC.
The rest of the field is littered with teenage erections, midlife crisis victims and demented grandfathers who don’t know how to wait for death.
What is clear is that ZANU PF is the only ruling party that offers nothing when they win.
All they offer is that, if they win, then you are safe from various things which could befall you, if they lose.
It’s a high-end bargain straight from the depths of a faded revolutionary party dying too slowly for anyone’s liking.
If you vote for ZANU PF you won’t get beaten when they win.
Violence is an anathema when in the orgasmic throes of celebrating another 5 years to add to the 4 decades gone.
In case they win, you won’t get electricity.
Neither will you get good roads, water, a functioning economy or move out of your parent’s house at 35.
In essence you have guarantees if ZANU PF wins.
After 4 decades in power whatever else you will get has already happened before.
What else do dead horses give beside the strong stench of death.